A little bit about me: I write about vampires. I write short stories that have a twist. However, I also make observations about life. Some say they're humorous. A friend of mine took a look at my writer page on Facebook and asked, "So...where's the funny? Where's the witty?" I'll admit, I am a bit subdued on my Facebook page. It doesn't exactly scream that I am a goofball, amusing, or just plain weird (three qualities that I am proud to possess)!
I took that to heart; what follows is an entry from my personal Facebook page. Enjoy!
Anyone who really knows me is aware of my love and obsession with court shows. Like a junkie needing a fix, the first thing I do most days when I come home is inject myself with at least one episode of Judge Judy and one episode of the People's Court. (Some people work out to music. I work out to the People's Court. Don't judge--I'm multi-tasking!) Through the years, I have learned some valuable lessons from these two shows that can be used not only in the courtroom, but in life. I would like to share a few. Hopefully they will be of some use to you.
1. Do not put anyone else on your cell phone contract unless you are ready to be dumped or cheated on.
So many times, I see the case of the woman who put her boyfriend on her cell phone plan because he has the world's worst credit and can't afford his own. He "promises to pay" his share of the bill. Two weeks later, she finds out that he is cheating on her with four people PLUS his baby's mama (because she checked his messages and his texts) and all of the sudden, he claims it was a "gift, because she loves me". Um, yeah. Tip: if someone tries to guilt you into buying them a cell phone, give them a twenty dollar bill. Tell them, "Walmart. Tracfone. $19.99."
2. Don't co-sign anything for anyone, ever.
Whether it's your Mom, brother, cousin, or your aunt's friend's father, just don't. Yes, the collection agency will come after you when your nephew stops paying on the Maserati!
3. If you do end up on a televised court show, don't dress like a hooker. Better yet, don't ever dress like a hooker.
A good rule of thumb is that if your skirt is short enough that you can reenact Sharon Stone's interrogation scene from Basic Instinct with very little effort, it's too short.
4. Get it in writing!
Oral contracts are great, but getting important things like prices, dates, and specific conditions in writing is crucial. You end up with an awkward "he said, she said" situation, and then Judge Milian yells at you, telling you to "take the nearest crayon and a piece of toilet paper" and write it down next time.
5. Stay in school.
Wisdom from Judge Judy. Enough said.
6. Say it, forget it. Write it, regret it.
You might think that your Facebook post on your ex's page that says something to the effect of "You will never get the money you loaned me, and I'm going to kill you and your family" was funny or poetic, but it can also be used for something else: evidence. Also not smart: a post that has anything to do with being toked out of your mind or passed out drunk with vomit on your shoes. And don't email or send naked pics of yourself to anyone, anytime, for any reason.
7. Got kids? Don't support them?
"Get a job. J-O-B." More Judge Judy wisdom. Collect cans. Work at Burger King. Whatever. I and the rest of the American taxpayers are tired of paying for you sitting at home playing Wii all day.
8. Don't pay for a trip you aren't going on, especially if it's for your significant other.
If your man wants to go to Jamaica to visit some "distant relatives" and says he needs money to get there, major red flag.
9. Above all, don't be a jerk.
In the courtroom, it gets you nowhere to make a complete jackass out of yourself. In life, this is true too.
That's all I can think of right now. Let me know if I missed anything obvious!
My Facebook page: http://on.fb.me/gORTUU
2 comments:
And if you are ever ON Judge Judy, and you don't have all the right answers or the proper evidence, be prepared to be made to look like a fool. (Why would anyone who has ever seen the show go on it, especially if they are in the wrong?)
She tells it like it is though!
Sharon :)
Yeah, I forgot about that! I love when a plaintiff comes in, sues for lost wages, pain and suffering, rental car, a new cat, etc. and they have NO documentation. Cracks me up every time!
Post a Comment