"High-strung, type A, uptight, spastic..."
These are words that have been used by people who know me to describe my personality. I freak out over the smallest things. I try not to engage in road rage, but sometimes, it's REALLY difficult. (Don't worry. I never do anything more than the occasional obscene gesture when absolutely necessary!) There are a million things that I need to accomplish every day, and I cannot and will not calm down until they are done. I realized a long time ago that an even an inkling of inner peace would do me a world of good.
When an assignment was given in my Theology class to attend a place of worship, write a paper about it, and share the experience with the class, I didn't think twice about where I wanted to go. I instantly knew the perfect place: a Buddhist worship center. Don't get me wrong; I knew that merely setting foot into a Buddhist temple would not guarantee inner peace. However, with the stress I've been under lately, I thought it certainly couldn't hurt!
This was actually supposed to take place last Sunday. We got lost trying to find this place. (Bad karma already, no?) This Sunday, C and I took one of C's friends who used to go to this place, and she helped guide us there. Allow me to share with you a little bit of my experience.
Admittedly, the building was a little unimpressive from the outside. When people picture a Buddhist place, most think of the temples with the bling: gold statues of Buddha, a beautiful building, that type of scenario. Not so much...it used to be a Christian church, and was an unassuming shade of green. Except for the colorful flags on the front of it (and the sign), it would be easy to mistake for any other business. I'm kind of glad it was like that, though; I might have been a little bit more intimidated by it than I already was!
The friendly (but not overly friendly) people there told us to remove our shoes when we walked in. So, here's a tip: wear good socks! No holes! I knew to do this, and I saw no ratty socks among the group. (Although this one chick was wearing toe socks...) We then walked into this big room (called the shrine room)with all of these rows of cushions. This room had the bling that was missing outside. Lots of gold candle holders, statues, a shrine, and some flags. (It was in a rough neighborhood...I wouldn't put any of that outside either!) We sat down, and this is where tip number two comes in: get/bring extra cushions. Your ass will thank you. Also, wear comfy clothes, because you'll be sitting for awhile, at least if you are there for a meditation session.
A few minutes later, the leader explained that we were meditating for 30 minutes. After that, we were to stand up and walk around the room in a circle. Then, back to meditating for another half hour. "Let the zen begin!" I thought.
Here's the thing: when you're in a room full of people who are meditating (and I mean seriously meditating), it is SILENT. There was no sound except for the occasional shifting of a body position (oh, wait...that was me. I'm so fidgety!) Most everyone there had obviously been there before, and were completely still. It was an excellent environment; everyone was calm and quiet. There was even a little boy who might have been five, sitting on the cushion next to me, being as silent as a mouse! (C and I called him Little Buddha.) I think I was more fidgety than he was! I occasionally glanced over at C. C is as stressed out (if not more stressed out) than I am, and her eyes were looking around the room, at me, and everywhere else. C was as antsy as I was. C couldn't shut her brain off.
Neither could I...for the most part.
The first fifteen minutes or so, all I could think about was what I needed to get done that day. I had papers to write, laundry to do, bills to make out...not to mention a blog to try and update! What was I doing here, sitting and doing essentially nothing?! I tried hard to focus on clearing my head of all of these thoughts. I know this doesn't sound challenging. If you've never done this before, and you have the type of personality I have, it is extremely difficult! I was growing impatient and frustrated with myself. Was it even possible for me to be at peace? My right leg and foot kept falling asleep, and the tingling sensation was not conducive to relaxation. I just wanted to get up and beat my foot off of the floor at one point.
After forty-five minutes, though, something clicked in my brain. It might sound weird, but there was something about the energy in the room. There was a tranquility, a peacefulness to these people and the vibes they were giving out. I closed my eyes, took a few deep breaths, and focused...on nothing. Then, it happened: I was overwhelmed with a feeling of relaxation and peace. I can't quite explain how or why it happened. I guess when your mind isn't constantly racing, and when you focus on yourself for once instead of everyone and everything else, a sense of calm can come over you. It did for me! Sadly, it was over all too soon. I stood up, feeling relaxed but a little disappointed. I just wish it either lasted longer or didn't take me so long to get to that point. I did talk and have tea with some of the people there afterwards...and they had Timbits!! Even Buddhists have a sweet tooth!
Overall, this was a good experience that I think people should try at least once in their lives. We weren't preached at, no one tried to convert us, and they didn't ask for donations or money. They were very peaceful people who looked like you and me, right down to the jeans and sweaters most were wearing. Will I go back? Maybe. I'm not a Buddhist. I do wish there was a way to replicate the brief feeling of tranquility I experienced there on my own. I'm pretty positive that I can't. I guess if I'm pushed a little close to the edge, if my stress starts to bring me to that breaking point, I might have a new mechanism to deal with it...and a community of accepting, peaceful, non-judgmental people to be with while I do so.
No comments:
Post a Comment